Chronicles of Chronic Anxiety: 1st Entry

The hardest thing for me about having chronic anxiety, is hearing people who really only experience normal, occasional anxiety trying to tell you how to handle it or that "things could be worse". You think we don't know that? You don't think we wish that was enough for the heart to stop racing and for the spiral to stop? It's not enough.

Imagine feeling like you just have a default amount of anxiety from the time you wake up, everyday... Any little thing that wouldn't stress the average person out, is enough to make you on edge, and then one more thing will make you just wanna snap. That's how I've felt almost everyday since 2019. 

There was a turning point somewhere, it likely had a lot to do with where I worked. Granted, I've dealt with some past trauma. When I was goin through divorce in 2011-2012, I had a deep depression. But this feeling I started really having, felt different than that. That depression went away at some point. This feeling I just can't shake. At some point, it felt like I couldn't turn it off. All I could do was press it down and act like it didn't exist, but then at some point that doesn't work anymore. And there's an overflow. So much of an overflow that it literally overshadows everything... 

At work, I spent everyday worried about not messing up. EVERY DAY. At every other job I've ever had I never felt like that regularly. I may have had short term anxiety where I dusted myself and realized an incident was isolated and nothing to trip about. But this feels different. I never felt like I didn't know what I was doing, constantly 2nd guessing myself. At this job, every piece of feedback was a criticism. Normally I can handle criticism even if I don't initially like what I hear, I keep it consciously tucked moving forward. But this felt different. At this point it was so much at the forefront, that I was making mistakes I knew better than to make. Then beat myself up for those mistakes. And that continued until I felt so defeated that I just knew my days were numbered there. 

Sure I could mention the lack of proper leadership in management but honestly I cared more about how I could be better. But there were elements of that job that I could not control, that were controlling some of my performance. It sucked. I felt pressed into a corner. I felt like there was nothing I could do as long as certain procedures stayed the same. Living like this ain't fun. And I don't want to. I tell my brain this, but it does what it wants. 

Now, as I seek new employment, I am experiencing some depression again. I'm experiencing  alot of self doubt. Despite my intelligence, my wit, my experience, and what I know I'm capable of, with everyday that goes by that I am not hired or interviewed, I am literally questioning everything professionally up to this point. Spiraling. Lots of crying. Lots of anger. 

Money is another factor. They say money doesn't buy happiness. Okay. But money has taken away so much of my anxiety when I have it. Therefore, I never want to not have it. So when I don't have it? Instant anxiety. I start pondering what would be the most inconvenient thing that could happen right now since I don't have much money? And whatever I can think of, will linger and linger until I've got a lil change. So while it may not create happiness, I can focus on what makes me happy more when I'm not stressed about money. 

Something about not even having enough money to buy something from 7 eleven makes my kneecaps itch... Bothers the f*ck out of me! People can call it spoiled or whatever they want. But it's just not what I'm used to and never want to be used to. As a kid I always found a way to have a lil change. I'm working on some things, but they are not in place yet. And until then? ANXIETY. Whether I want it or not. It's looming over me...

35th Birthday Easy Cut Crease Makeup

#LateNightThoughts while watching these "epic" love stories on TV:

#LateNightThoughts while watching these "epic" love stories on TV:

I know these tv shows love to make a love story look like you have to continuously break up and makeup in order for the relationship to grow and show some twisted kind of loyalty, but I PROMISE it doesn't have to be that lol. You don't HAVE to break up with someone to be able to work on whatever issues you have or while your partner works on theirs'. You can be together and just be going through a rough patch. As soon as you breakup, you're not both going to be as focused on the relationship as you would have been had you still considered yourselves a couple.

One of you will lose some faith, or start dabbling in dating and suddenly one person is no longer that invested in the relationship anymore and now you're fighting for their attention again without working on the issues that broke you up. And perhaps you do get back together. Then the same issues come up again because they were never really worked on. Instead of breaking up for a few weeks or months, if you both know you want a future, you can be There to support each other instead. If it's a toxic issue then yeah perhaps that person just isn't your match, and you should just cut your losses instead of forcing things... but people always cheer on these off again on again couples or "situationships" and then when they still don't work out after all those years, you see those same folks using that off & on thing as a reason as to why they knew those folks wouldn't work out lol.

Ever notice that? EX: "They were always breaking up anyway". Then when time to finally move onto the next relationship, you have a SHIT TON of baggage and trust issues due to attributing so many years to a person that you still ultimately didn't end up with. Sometimes it's best to save yourself the experience and dip after the first break-up, take the lessons with you to the next relationship and don't make the same mistakes nor except the same mistakes over and over.

I'm just rambling based on my own experiences. I've never been one for off and on boyfriends. For me it's because whatever broke us up will live rent free in my head if we made up. I would never forget it and it'll probably disrupt the relationship which wouldn't be fair to me or him. Therefore, once I decided to breakup or the guy did, I accepted it and moved on. I did a double back with 1 person and regretted it lol. Luckily that was a very short-lived situation so I didn't feel like my life was wasted, but surely I NEVER did it again. Moving forward I made my intentions very known and expected the same from a guy I was dating. No pussyfooting around. I've had so many women ask "how'd you manage to find a good husband for the second time?" I mean because I worked on me, learned some important lessons, and applied them when dating. You should never move onto the next without finding out what the life lessons were from the previous so that you don't make the same mistakes.

- ThoughtsFromVenus

Summer Lookbook: Fun with Color Liner

I've been a busy gal. I will be revamping my Blogger soon or creating a site where I can have all of my content in one place! in the meantime please visit my youtube channel :)

Do Workplace Romances....WORK?

Dating someone that you also work with....WORK?

I don't know about y'all, but I have concluded that the two just should NOT mix. I have only ever granted one exceptions in my experience; working for the same company but separate departments - other than that... No way Jose! I only grant the first one because if you work at a big company people won't even know who you're with half the time. That was my experience. Some I was with got me a job where he was working but we worked in different buildings and no one in my building knew him so they couldn't really be in my business and it seemed to be the same way on his end. Now on the flip side I had a boyfriend and we worked in the same store, same building, different companies. We started dating and everyone knew and everyone was always in our business!! It was so annoying! I just cannot get down with it anymore unless times of desperation call and one of us becomes unemployed.

That said, I thought I would lay out some tips to handling at work relationships if you are considering it.

1. DON'T DO IT! RUNNN THE OTHER WAY! 

....(But, if you just HAAAVE to have this person, read on.

2. Choose wisely! 
Whoever thought guys did not gossip like women do must live under a huge rock! Especially if you have that (perhaps) regrettable one-nighter, or regular little rendezvous with someone - be a decent judge of character that he'd keep it hush! (We won't get into how I learned that lesson).

3. Don't broadcast the relationship...especially if it's new. 
One word: JINX. Seems like the moment you get too excited about something that's barely happened, the moment passes and it's over! Let the relationship season. I personally wouldn't even tell anyone until it get's serious to the point where you're adding each other to the "Emergency Contact" form at work. Yeah, that serious.

4. JUST SKIP THE WHOLE IDEEEEA!!! 
(Still just have to have this person? Ugh, ok....)


5. Telling your coworkers about the relationship so they stay away from him/her? BAD IDEA!
HA!! You just put a big, fat target on the back of your significant other!!! We've all heard about those people who love a challenge ---> a person who's committed/married. These twisted minded people are going to go right for you man/woman just to see if they can get them to crack. Oh and if they do, best believe the whole office will know about it! Office affairs often end up so messy!

6. Mid-day Slip-Aways
The idea seems thrilling and fun...until you two get caught in the supply closet, by your supervisor/boss!

7. Make up a fake boyfriend just so you can brag about your real boyfriend
SO, I'm on the fence with this idea. It seems fool-proof. Until somehow people get the talking and the information reaches your in-office mate Bob that you're in love with some guy named George. Even if you tell them it's made up, a person can give you the side-eye and wonder if George is real. (I don't put anything past anyone though so maybe my imagination is just pessimistic).

8. DON'T DO IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!
I know attraction is hard to avoid, hence these tips, but if you can keep it cool at work and not get involved you're probably better off unless you can keep it out of sight!


Note: These are just my tips based on personal experience. FInd below more links to articles about Workplace romance. Feel free to share stories, tips and links in the comments! Share. Subscribe. Interact with me!


Thanks for Reading.


7 Tips for Handling an Office Romance

AskMen: Deal With an Office Romance

Confessions of a Middle-Aged 20 Something Year Old...

......I'm gonna keep it REALLY real with y'all....I'm in rare form right now, writing wise...


.......vulnerable...feeling "some type of way"...


I've come to a conclusion...I've got some trust issues...Romantically...I've been in denial. The one who's always helping everyone else. And I don't know how to bounce back. It's not without reason, because I don't NOT trust someone without having a reason. If I have doubts. There's a reason, but I don't want be unfair to the next potential mate...The one who really has the motives I desire, and is being genuine, yet my hurt is still in the way.

Damn, my divorce changed me...and heartache wears ya down hard...while simultaneously, you're building up walls of protection against people who haven't even done anything to you...I try to start everyone with a clean slate. Not judge them from their past. People can change right? Know them for myself. Been let down time and time again. Over stupid stuff! We're all adults here...aren't we? Everyone is flawed. The one for you will accept those flaws and vice versa. At least that's what I think. Don't play the perfect role, because that's just what it is...a ROLE-PLAY. Playing roles and breaking hearts. I'm the one who often get's told "you should've lied" Amazing. My conscious won't allow it though (at least not when it comes to romance). Because they're going to find out one way or another. Why not be the one to tell them?

I'm such an honest person, that I don't get why I get lied to so much? And I almost always find out! Why be deceptive? If you're gon' lie, why even try to borrow my time? Could've kept walking in opposite directions. Instead you took the time to speak. Why? People will preach their life away talking about honesty and they're lying through their teeth at that very moment! The same ones talk about how they don't trust anyone - and how loyalty doesn't exist. Could it be you're subliminally confessing?

 

 

 

Just a thought...Mind, clear.

 

 

 

 

You Have Just Entered...The FriendZone

You have just entered....

 

*Cue Twilight Zone Theme*

"...mr friendzone...or young bestie face....aka no cheeks McGhee...- Junya

"The Friend Zone is a bullshit, misogynistic, make-believe land Nice Guys have come up with to demonize women for not wanting to date them. They use it as an excuse to ignore the fact that there are Actual Reasons behind their decision to not pursue a relationship or have sex with this guy. You know, like not being physically attracted to them. Or not being able to connect with them. Or seeing through their crap and realizing that the only reason these guys are even friends with them in the first place is so they can get laid."....." This is my message to all the Nice Guys out there: if you call a woman a bitch, a slut, a skank, a whore, ugly, whatever, because she doesn’t want you, you are not nice. If you’re only nice to a woman because you want to be with her, you are not nice. And if you whine about constantly being Friend Zoned, it’s probably because you are not nice. End of story." - Femininspire.com "Nice Guy Syndrome and The Friendzone.

Hello all! Been a while, I know. So this topic was brought to me by a good friend of mine and I know we can ALL relate. If you've never been put in the friend-zone, you've never really gone for something! Either that, or you're God. Which, I 100% doubt the latter. Anywho...once you get put in the "dreaded" friendzone, what's next? Good question! I don't know! Personally, when I see/meet someone, I usually have an idea of what my intention is almost right away. One thing I'd add, if you're overly sexually attracted to them, chances are all you want is sex and nothing else. Whether it's to be friends with them, or there's perhaps some inkling of curiosity or romantic interest on my end. Of course other times we end up falling for a friend we already knew.


So how do you take that rejection "gracefully"? Or do you? I've experienced guys get livid. I've experienced confusion on my end because I get a different vibe than I am being told. You know, those ones who talk the talk but actions are of no relation? Or how about the ones who have all of these expectations from you, but don't want a relationship? OH the confusionnnn!

Anywho, I looked around the internet and these are some of the things that could help you possibly avoid being knocked in the manhole known as the Friend Zone or help you get out of that Zone and into the RUNNING, via Askmen.com:

Treat her like a friend Woman:
Be a gentleman more often. Chances are you're overlooking her as a woman. You might not treat her exactly like a male buddy, but things between the two of you are relaxed…too relaxed. When walking, offer her your arm; open doors and pull out chairs; give her the occasional compliment; avoid blatantly checking out other women in front of her. Of course, don't go overboard and venture into sap territory; that would keep you firmly inside the friend zone.


Step up the Flirting
Now that you're treating her less as a buddy and more like a ”real girl,” introduce more flirting into the relationship. This has to be discreet, though. Going from her friend to a leering pervert in the space of one day is not how it's done. Start with the simplest of things: Hold her gaze for longer than you normally would and focus more attention on her in conversations. Spend more time trying to make her laugh in a way that encourages one-on-one banter (as opposed to just goofing off like you would with a friend). Over time, this can be expanded to include flirting of the pickup variety. Your advantage here is that you can easily read how well she is taking all this and adjust it as necessary. Also, she won't immediately put up the “stop the pickup” barriers, meaning there's a greater chance she’ll enjoy it and reciprocate.


Break the Touch barrier
Encourage more physical flirting. Touch her consciously so it promotes positive thoughts in her. Touching her arm during conversation, putting your hand on the small of her back while waiting at the bar, brushing something out of her hair...build up an air of intimacy that she finds desirable.


Use your friends
· Encourage these girlfriends to draw attention to your more attractive traits. Remember: At some point your target has considered whether you could be a potential partner or not. So, the aim of her friends' peer pressure is to remind her of the good qualities she noticed in you when you first met. As well as encouraging her, your helpers can also feed you information that is beneficial to your cause. They can tell you if she is open to a relationship right now or if she's bored on Saturday nights and wants someone to take her out.


Encourage dating behavior
· Get out of the zone: A date is essentially a relationship interview -- a chance to show off your best side in the hopes that it’ll lead somewhere. A good way to do this with a friend is to take up a shared hobby. This allows the two of you to spend some exclusive time together and she may notice something in you that she overlooked before. Going for drinks or a meal afterward reinforces the dating atmosphere. Again, don't be too eager; your aim is make her want to spend this alone time with you and lead her to suggest more “dates.”


Change something about yourself
· Make positive changes to yourself that will make them see you in a new light. A new haircut or a new wardrobe could catch their eye. Or by displaying a more confident attitude, it might force ‘em to rethink whether you're in the “friend” or “boyfriend” category. (*Exercise some commonsense and subtlety, though. If she says she likes a new band, don't rush out and buy all their albums, merchandise and tickets to their next gig -- that just comes across as pathetic.)


Lastly, be real with yourself
If you know what you want out the deal and you’re not getting it, then don’t act deceptively and then you’re mad when things don’t play out the other way. For example, claiming you want to be friends when you really want to be more. If you tell her someone you want to be friends, you can’t be mad that they’re treating you like a friend, lol, HELLO! You asked for it! You are interested in getting to know someone in a way that could possibly turn into something romantic, find a way to say so to assure no confusion.



DISCLAIMER: ***Let’s not get it confused, doing these things does not necessarily mean she’ll respond positively. She/he really just may not be into you romantically. If that’s the case, what I do is KEEP IT MOVING. Hope these tips can better help you avoid…


*cues twilight theme*…


THE FRIENDZONE…







>>>> HAVE ANY TIPS, EXPERIENCES, AND COMMENTS? PLEASE LEAVE SOME BELOW!!!

 

Honesty Hour: Trayvon Martin /Zimmerman Case

I really haven't been speaking on this Trayvon Martin situation, but since everyone else is just letting their feelings be known, I'm going to do just the same...this one time..and then I'm just going to see the rest of this unfold...I honestly feel that Zimmerman is being charged by Florida mostly to save face. I think if people hadn't reacted the way they did this would've gotten swept under the rug somehow. I do not think Zimmerman will be found guilty. If he is, I do not think he'll get Life in prison or any amount that'll satisfy society and in this society, JUSTICE = Fitting Punishment for a perpetrator, plain & simple. If the majority feels the punishment does not fit the crime, justice has not been served because that outcome is not fair to the victim. I just really feel like there will be no societal satisfactory following the closing of this case. Just so much uncertainty. It's saddening, but as much as I can be an optimist, I'm a realist FIRST. My opinion, Trayvon may have aggravated the situation but I do not think he started it. Why? Because even though I understand Zimmerman being suspicious, if I'm walking down the street and see someone follow me then try to stop me and talk to me and they're not police, I'm going to be on the defense RIGHT AWAY because unfortunately you can't just have your guard down for everyone on today's streets. I can't help but wonder had he not possessed a gun would he have even approached the boy? I don't!  This case is the perfect example of how intention + execution[of actions] can = unintended results. Unfortunately, we'll only know one side of the story. A lesson to learn: You[in this case, Zimmerman] go fishing for trouble you're going to find it...Meanwhile...

Old Fools Used to be Young Fools

First off, Age ≠  Wisdom or Maturity!
Just really needed to nip that right in the bud.

 Frankly, I'm getting quite fed up with these young adults(esp 18-20) who have yet to really even be served a dose of the real world claiming they are mature "for their age" or that because they are 18 they are grown! Child please! Do you pay bills? Do you go to the doctor on your own or does your mommy still take you because you are that clueless? Have you lived on your own? Do you know how to cook? Have you even dealt with adult situations and handled them responsibly or learned a life lesson?... Do you have your career plans in mind? Have you ever had to be responsible for anyone other than yourself? No? Oh, ok, then please HAVE A SEAT! Of course more goes into handling things like an adult but I was just naming some examples....And I know with the economy, ish happens and you may have to move back in with parents, etc. But I think you know where I am getting at. KIDS should not call themselves GROWN!! If you have not been able to experience real world experiences outside of what goes on in those secure little high school/college hallways, then you should just have a seat. I could not WAIT to grown up...Now I WISH I were 18 again!

Young fellas, when a woman says you are too young for her, please do not think she means anything bout sex because let's be real, long as you are of legal age that is what matters. However, dating wise, the woman is often meaning mentality, and you two's stage in life. Stop thinking your body count or skills in bed makes you wise, mature, or man enough! A man knows he needs to keep his woman happy mind, body & soul. If just the physical is all you guys have agreed to then by all means knock yourself out!...BUT do not think for a second that only satisfying your lady sexually us grounds for being a man!!

Young ladies: yes girls typically mature faster than guys but do not, I repeat DO NOT get ahead of yourself! You may be more mature in certain situations but I can bet money it is not a life changing experience half the time. You are still living in your mother's house too, still a dependent. Still immature about certain stuff. Do not get ahead of yourself. When you are 19, you may be mature, but its accounts FOR YOUR AGE.

PLEASE HAVE A SEAT.

Feel free to leave your opinions, all are welcome! I just had to speak my point of view!

However, the message here is...Young Fools Can Become Old Fools!!

Just Saying

 

"Mistakes" Men & Women Make With Each Other

I was just browsing through random links on my email site and came across this article: 7 Mistakes Women Are Making with Men and I particularly found number's 5,6 & 7 (Feeling abandoned, assuming he can multitask and competing with his mission)  interesting because I have been one to bring this up to a guy I may have been dating. I've definitely felt like I wasn't getting the attention I may have been showing to my guy or wonder why he can't talk to me and watch TV at the same time. At times, I may have not even mentioned it because I don't want to "nag" but when dealing with your happiness you MUST speak up or you only have yourself to blame! yourself! You're just dealing with the unhappiness until you explode. I would not even wait around for that to happen, honestly. Anywho, men tend to only be able to focus on one task at a time so be a little more patient but don't hold things in either. Find the balance come to compromises as well.

With #7, I just feel like if a guy is taking the time to get involved with you and you've made it clearly what you desire in a relationship, he should feel obligated to hold up his end. I want my man to succeed just as much as he does, but there a way to do things and not do things. If your "grind" is that serious, it's probably not the best idea to get involved with someone unless you have an understanding from the very BEGINNING! I definitely had a guy be all about me, then decide he wants to put more effort into certain things and just left me hanging. Couldn't even let me know that was the case! Even though the truth hurts, when you're honest, a person can never say you were a liar. Communicate! If you want something light or not long term, don't date the chick who is set on finding "the one"!

On the other end of the spectrum, there followed the article 8 Mistakes Men Make With Women and found this quote from "Mistake #1: Not listening" so spot on about women:

“Men don’t understand that women talk to connect,” Love says. “A man thinks she is talking to tell him something.”

I think this quote is spot on because talking is what we women do and if we feel we can share so much with our man it's because we are confiding in him and that is one of our ways of showing that we are more comfortable with you and are feeling closer to you as well. I must be honest, one of the best things about talking to guys, even when they engage, they don't (usually) go off and gossip your business because they've probably already forgotten it once the convo is over. At least engage in the conversation while it's going on, if it contains hints, those are the big things to remember (if you forget everything else, lol).

I think "Mistake #2: Not offering help" is quite interesting too. I can definitely recall mentioning I needed to wash my car then waking up to find that my car has been washed for me. I don't know about you women, but those things I appreciate more than flowers on Valentine's Day. It's what he Does ALL YEAR that makes him a keeper, not whether he remembers to buy you chocolates on Valentine's Day.


One last that I found interesting was "Mistake #4: Mistaking the silent treatment". The article mentions how a silent woman isn't usually a good thing. I've always felt if you're in a relationship and have never had any type of argument and your partner is "flawless" and etc., etc., someones hiding something! No one's perfect! One thing I've seen is people fall for that 1st impression. Don't get caught up in that. Learn that person's flaws and traits! Why? Because you should know at least some of them before getting too involved with someone, or else you hit that moment where in the 2nd month of dating you learn about something that is a deal breaker for you. Some experts suggest seeing how one acts through all the seasons. To each his own. But still, definitely spend enough time with that person in different settings to learn the different sides of them.

So READERS, I ask you,  what are some mistakes or misconceptions that we genders make about one another? I really would like for you all to CHIME IN!!! All views welcome! Just please be tasteful with it!

Love Language...

My friend just sparked something interesting with a comment he made to me after I made a comment . He said: ' I bet your love language is words of affirmation'. Well, to be honest, I was not 100% sure what that meant, pertaining to "love language"  so, I looked up some articles online and found an article:Love Affirmation and this site The 5 Love Languages. It listed the 5 Languages of Love as: Quality Time, Affirmation, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, and Receiving Gifts. I took the quiz and it revealed that my primary love language is Quality Time (with a score of 9), followed by Affirmation and Acts of Service (both scored a 7), then Physical Touch(4), and Receiving gifts(3). The highest score you can get in any of these areas is 12. I think my results make perfect sense. I base my relationships highly on someone being a person of their word. If you say this is who you are, or this is how you feel, it better come across in your actions or the words mean nothing. Once my trust has been earned, one's word hold more value than before. I won't take what you say lightly. If I like, dislike, appreciate, or love someone, I have no problem saying it but I also pride myself on showing it.  Furthermore with the results, I'm a physical person but that is not the most important which also reflects in my results. Intimacy is important don't get me wrong, but sex is not the only part of intimacy nor is the physical the only or most important factor for me. Your whole relationship should not be based on the sex. Because honestly, you've probably had better sex(in the technical sense) with someone you don't even have real feelings for, and it was just about 'getting the job done'. BUT, the sex with someone you're in a relationship with(and/or in love with) there is a connection that is so intense and passionate, it surpasses plain old sex with no feelings involved. However, to each his own, because to some people, bad sex is a deal-breaker.

Moving on...If I feel I am showing love but not getting it in return or at least getting that appreciation, I tend to feel insulted and begin to withdraw. Who wants to be constantly putting themselves out there to someone and not get it in return ya know? I certainly don't!

Just a thought...

**So I want you all to please do me a favor, check out the links I provided earlier. I'll post them again below. Take the "Love Language Quiz" then answer my poll here on the right. The poll is completely anonymous!!! Also, if you'd like to discuss your results or give your opinion about Love Language and whether it makes any sense to you, I'd love to hear it!! Write Away!!!

• Words of Affirmation: Love Languages
• 5 Love Languages