Let it Go!: Breakups - (rehashed)

 

One of my readers (@2big4Kah) brought an interesting topic to my attention about closure and denial when you come out of a relationship. He also mentioned that some women and men, feel the need to pretty much trash their ex because it's over... "and after the relationship, why put your ex name in the mud though or talk bad about them, or worse make up lies, smh." -Kah. That being said, think about it folks - if they're that bad of a person, then it reflects YOUR judgment to an extent. So think twice before you proceed to bash. I know when coming out of a serious relationship you feel a vast amount of different emotions - anger, sadness, confusion- but bashing your ex or even their new love interest is not how you find closure. Trust me I've been that girl and it did not make me feel any better about myself. When I did it, my conscious set in and I turned around and apologized. Some would be like "why would you do that?" But at the end of the day it wasn't about her, it was about him, breaking my heart and what I wished I could do to have him feel that hurt. But again that does not do anything for ME because it's still becoming all about him. In my opinion, breaking up needs to be about you. You take that time to evaluate the situation and figure out what YOU want and what you're willing to do to save the relationship (if that's what YOU want).Working on myself made me feel better about myself. I lost weight, felt healthier, had a clearer head, bought new clothes, grades picked up in college and I accepted the past for what it was and eventually moved on. One thing I'll say, the idea of starting back at square one with someone new SUCKS, but when you do find a great candidate it starts to feel worth it.

So, I found an article  Click here to see this full article:>> 10 Steps for Post Breakup that pretty much gives some tips on how to get through a break-up and I've highlighted a few because these are things I focus on during a breakup.

This website Lifescripts.com has also some suggestions on how to move on after a breakup. Some of which I've actually already mentioned:
*Accept it!
*Learn From it!
*Distance Yourself
*Focus on YOU!

Acceptance...
[“Even though it may not have worked out the way you wanted, accepting that the relationship was limited and is over is very important,” Dr. Orloff advises. "] Accept the fact that it's over. Unless you two are just taking a break (which I personally despise), you need to just realize that either the relationship has ran it's course, or that you two may have some growing to do and maybe you'll reunite in the future. Stop obsessing and putting yourself down thinking there's something you can do to win them back and don't be in DENIAL that it's over! Even if there is a possibility you too can be together in the future, focus on bettering yourself for YOURSELF. Meanwhile, meet new people and do the things you've missed doing. If it's meant to happen, the signs will be there without force and you two can reconcile if possible.

Distance Yourself
["Maybe one day the two of you can be friends again, but now is not the time. Your heart is still freshly wounded and seeing or contacting him will only make things worse. "] I DEFINITELY have to distance myself. I will cut an ex straight off like he killed my fish and not want to be in any contact with them until MAYBE we're in a good place to speak. I personally don't really like to befriend exes (check out a later article about this), but I don't hold grudges much either so if I'm over it by the time I see you, no bad blood. I will say this, I will NOT double back! Once we're done, we're over! I don't break-up, make-up break-up again.

Reflection/Soul-Searching...
You need to come to terms with why you two split but don't dwell on it. Regardless of fault, I am just talking about the issue that split you two up. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just ask yourself some questions. Were you ignoring signs? Where an YOU improve? Remember, breaking up is now about you and how tou can be a better individual. Whatever the other person has to work out you can't control. No one changes for someone else, if they do, it's called ACTING..You can only worry about YOU!


>>>>How do YOU get over an EX or former flame? Share in the Comments section!!<<<<



Only time will tell. It does not happen overnight so do not expect to be over your ex by the following week especially if you were in love. Take some "YOU" time. Learn from the experience you've just went through and find something positive out of it as well that'll have you looking forward to the future. I have provided a few extra links of interesting articles for those who want to read on.


Break-Ups Uplifting Quotes for Moving on Post Breakup