Old Fools Used to be Young Fools

First off, Age ≠  Wisdom or Maturity!
Just really needed to nip that right in the bud.

 Frankly, I'm getting quite fed up with these young adults(esp 18-20) who have yet to really even be served a dose of the real world claiming they are mature "for their age" or that because they are 18 they are grown! Child please! Do you pay bills? Do you go to the doctor on your own or does your mommy still take you because you are that clueless? Have you lived on your own? Do you know how to cook? Have you even dealt with adult situations and handled them responsibly or learned a life lesson?... Do you have your career plans in mind? Have you ever had to be responsible for anyone other than yourself? No? Oh, ok, then please HAVE A SEAT! Of course more goes into handling things like an adult but I was just naming some examples....And I know with the economy, ish happens and you may have to move back in with parents, etc. But I think you know where I am getting at. KIDS should not call themselves GROWN!! If you have not been able to experience real world experiences outside of what goes on in those secure little high school/college hallways, then you should just have a seat. I could not WAIT to grown up...Now I WISH I were 18 again!

Young fellas, when a woman says you are too young for her, please do not think she means anything bout sex because let's be real, long as you are of legal age that is what matters. However, dating wise, the woman is often meaning mentality, and you two's stage in life. Stop thinking your body count or skills in bed makes you wise, mature, or man enough! A man knows he needs to keep his woman happy mind, body & soul. If just the physical is all you guys have agreed to then by all means knock yourself out!...BUT do not think for a second that only satisfying your lady sexually us grounds for being a man!!

Young ladies: yes girls typically mature faster than guys but do not, I repeat DO NOT get ahead of yourself! You may be more mature in certain situations but I can bet money it is not a life changing experience half the time. You are still living in your mother's house too, still a dependent. Still immature about certain stuff. Do not get ahead of yourself. When you are 19, you may be mature, but its accounts FOR YOUR AGE.

PLEASE HAVE A SEAT.

Feel free to leave your opinions, all are welcome! I just had to speak my point of view!

However, the message here is...Young Fools Can Become Old Fools!!

Just Saying

 

"Mistakes" Men & Women Make With Each Other

I was just browsing through random links on my email site and came across this article: 7 Mistakes Women Are Making with Men and I particularly found number's 5,6 & 7 (Feeling abandoned, assuming he can multitask and competing with his mission)  interesting because I have been one to bring this up to a guy I may have been dating. I've definitely felt like I wasn't getting the attention I may have been showing to my guy or wonder why he can't talk to me and watch TV at the same time. At times, I may have not even mentioned it because I don't want to "nag" but when dealing with your happiness you MUST speak up or you only have yourself to blame! yourself! You're just dealing with the unhappiness until you explode. I would not even wait around for that to happen, honestly. Anywho, men tend to only be able to focus on one task at a time so be a little more patient but don't hold things in either. Find the balance come to compromises as well.

With #7, I just feel like if a guy is taking the time to get involved with you and you've made it clearly what you desire in a relationship, he should feel obligated to hold up his end. I want my man to succeed just as much as he does, but there a way to do things and not do things. If your "grind" is that serious, it's probably not the best idea to get involved with someone unless you have an understanding from the very BEGINNING! I definitely had a guy be all about me, then decide he wants to put more effort into certain things and just left me hanging. Couldn't even let me know that was the case! Even though the truth hurts, when you're honest, a person can never say you were a liar. Communicate! If you want something light or not long term, don't date the chick who is set on finding "the one"!

On the other end of the spectrum, there followed the article 8 Mistakes Men Make With Women and found this quote from "Mistake #1: Not listening" so spot on about women:

“Men don’t understand that women talk to connect,” Love says. “A man thinks she is talking to tell him something.”

I think this quote is spot on because talking is what we women do and if we feel we can share so much with our man it's because we are confiding in him and that is one of our ways of showing that we are more comfortable with you and are feeling closer to you as well. I must be honest, one of the best things about talking to guys, even when they engage, they don't (usually) go off and gossip your business because they've probably already forgotten it once the convo is over. At least engage in the conversation while it's going on, if it contains hints, those are the big things to remember (if you forget everything else, lol).

I think "Mistake #2: Not offering help" is quite interesting too. I can definitely recall mentioning I needed to wash my car then waking up to find that my car has been washed for me. I don't know about you women, but those things I appreciate more than flowers on Valentine's Day. It's what he Does ALL YEAR that makes him a keeper, not whether he remembers to buy you chocolates on Valentine's Day.


One last that I found interesting was "Mistake #4: Mistaking the silent treatment". The article mentions how a silent woman isn't usually a good thing. I've always felt if you're in a relationship and have never had any type of argument and your partner is "flawless" and etc., etc., someones hiding something! No one's perfect! One thing I've seen is people fall for that 1st impression. Don't get caught up in that. Learn that person's flaws and traits! Why? Because you should know at least some of them before getting too involved with someone, or else you hit that moment where in the 2nd month of dating you learn about something that is a deal breaker for you. Some experts suggest seeing how one acts through all the seasons. To each his own. But still, definitely spend enough time with that person in different settings to learn the different sides of them.

So READERS, I ask you,  what are some mistakes or misconceptions that we genders make about one another? I really would like for you all to CHIME IN!!! All views welcome! Just please be tasteful with it!

Love Language...

My friend just sparked something interesting with a comment he made to me after I made a comment . He said: ' I bet your love language is words of affirmation'. Well, to be honest, I was not 100% sure what that meant, pertaining to "love language"  so, I looked up some articles online and found an article:Love Affirmation and this site The 5 Love Languages. It listed the 5 Languages of Love as: Quality Time, Affirmation, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, and Receiving Gifts. I took the quiz and it revealed that my primary love language is Quality Time (with a score of 9), followed by Affirmation and Acts of Service (both scored a 7), then Physical Touch(4), and Receiving gifts(3). The highest score you can get in any of these areas is 12. I think my results make perfect sense. I base my relationships highly on someone being a person of their word. If you say this is who you are, or this is how you feel, it better come across in your actions or the words mean nothing. Once my trust has been earned, one's word hold more value than before. I won't take what you say lightly. If I like, dislike, appreciate, or love someone, I have no problem saying it but I also pride myself on showing it.  Furthermore with the results, I'm a physical person but that is not the most important which also reflects in my results. Intimacy is important don't get me wrong, but sex is not the only part of intimacy nor is the physical the only or most important factor for me. Your whole relationship should not be based on the sex. Because honestly, you've probably had better sex(in the technical sense) with someone you don't even have real feelings for, and it was just about 'getting the job done'. BUT, the sex with someone you're in a relationship with(and/or in love with) there is a connection that is so intense and passionate, it surpasses plain old sex with no feelings involved. However, to each his own, because to some people, bad sex is a deal-breaker.

Moving on...If I feel I am showing love but not getting it in return or at least getting that appreciation, I tend to feel insulted and begin to withdraw. Who wants to be constantly putting themselves out there to someone and not get it in return ya know? I certainly don't!

Just a thought...

**So I want you all to please do me a favor, check out the links I provided earlier. I'll post them again below. Take the "Love Language Quiz" then answer my poll here on the right. The poll is completely anonymous!!! Also, if you'd like to discuss your results or give your opinion about Love Language and whether it makes any sense to you, I'd love to hear it!! Write Away!!!

• Words of Affirmation: Love Languages
• 5 Love Languages

Quick Post: Date Ideas

 

If you're anything like me, you like to keep things fresh and also be adventurous with that special person. Sometimes I have so many date ideas I forget half of them once I'm asked, "what do you want to do?" So, for those of you who also deal with this, I thought I'd post a few date ideas...some I've tried, and some I haven't...many I want to try!

Active Date Ideas involving close contact *wink wink*:

•  Ice skating/Roller-skating - great excuse to hold hands and get close, let the convo flow, and possibly almost lose your balance so he can catch you! (Haha!). 
• Hiking/Indoor Rock-climbing - completing a task like this together could possibly bring you two much closer!

Something chill:

• Shoot pool - can't go wrong with pool!
• Bowling - classic. need I say more?
• Movie - might I suggest you do something more interactive before or after the movie!
• Putt-Putt (mini-golf) - can't go wrong there either!

Take it back:

• If the weather's nice, go out for ice cream. It's simple, yet nice.
• If you went to a movie but did not eat before, perhaps go to a 24hr diner, enjoy some breakfast and great conversation.
• Let lose and tap back into your childhood - hit up an arcade

Mind Stimulation:

• Check out an art gallery or museum; Even if you think you're not into it, try it out if you haven't before. You may be enlightened by the experience and learning something new together can always be a positive thing!
• Visit a zoo or aquarium and learn something interesting about the animals you see. (Also try to catch the dolphin show if there is one! - So fun!)

These that I've listed are just a few ideas...however, below I have attached a few articles with interesting date ideas...many of which I somehow never thought of! If you have some date ideas, or experiences, feel free to share them below! I may want to try them and so may others!!!

Redbook Mag: 100 Date Ideas
15 Winter Date Ideas

Something for you couples out there --> 10 Sex Positions to Try

Live Alittle!

What's with these super uptight boring chicks that don't like to try new adventurous activities like rock-climbing, surfing, horseback riding or other thrilling things? Some even act too stuck up for play fighting! Live a little! Why not let go sometimes and go to the arcade, play some paint ball or something? And who said those activities are immature? I have definitely heard people misconceive a person who does these things as being "immature". The most action they get is in the bed or in the gym. I'm sorry but the gym is boring and bland to me. It just sounds like relationships with those girls are probably just so boring! Life is too short to be so uptight. I feel like most of the chicks in the area I live in are this way. Seems I can only go do many of those things I listed before with guys because chicks are too worried about their hair or makeup and sitting, looking cute! So I guess when you're in a relationship you and your man just do the basic boring dates?! I know when things are brand new you don't want to do too much(I guess), but when you start dating someone regularly how about keeping things fun and interesting beyond the bedroom? Guys already seem to think marriage is just lock-down with no excitement and boring as hell. I know we don't want to sweat our hair out or what not, but that's what hats, scarves, or certain other hairstyles are for! Live a little! 

But back to that maturity topic...Do you know what maturity is? It is not about not engaging in active stuff or being so uptight you can't take a joke! Maturity is a number of things if you ask me, but I don't feel the fact that you like to still have those "big kid moments" makes you immature. It keeps life exciting! In my opinion, being mature is about making sure you have your priorities in order and that you know how to handle situations of your life logically or rationally. I'm not saying you know how to do everything, I'm saying you know how to adapt or learn from your mistakes. It has nothing to do with your age- though it should- but..

"some young fools become Old fools"!

...Just a Thought.


----What y'all think? Do you think chicks now a days need to loosen up?

"New Year, New Me" - And other so-called "goals"

 

"New Year, New Me" "All the fake people in my life gone come 2013" etc..etc <==== Don't you hate when people say stuff like this? I'm all about people making important changes or bettering themselves and I understand New Years Eve can serve as a time of reflection on the past year, but I know it does not take for December 31st to come around for you to know these things. When you put off those types of things claiming you'll be a whole new person in the New Year, you probably won't change a thing because if you were that serious you would've started at the moment you noticed you needed yo "get yo life" (get it together - Lol). If you have fake friends, why haven't they been eliminated at the time of exposure? If you've always been too nice, why say January 1st you're not gonna be so nice? And is just doing a total 180 the way to go? I don't think so unless you mean you want to do something like quit drugs or smoking cold turkey - which is still a time thing as far as being completely out of the habit.  

If you're going to make Resolutions, make them realistic (ex: Take a vacation this summer, lose 30(or 30 more) lbs by March, etc)!! Things you really do need time to achieve that actually makes sense. But don't make excuses for things you could start today!! Trust me, I can be the world's biggest procrastinator and it's a habit that I'm always working on and I've reaped the benefits of jump starting things in comparison to the things I've lagged on...It shows in your results!!! So if you're gonna do it, JUST DO IT!! NOW!!

....Just a Thought.


*and Happy New Years All!*

Break Up, To Make Up

A little while back, one of my readers [Who wishes to be anonymous] had a Love/Relationship topic request for me and I thought now would be a great time to use it - being as this is one of those seasons when people do tend to reflect on their love life, or lack there of. Not sure about y'all, but I am not a fan of dating these days. It is tough and it just gets tougher as you get older and your standards rise and whatnot. Even when you feel you know exactly what you desire, you tend to still have to meet and/or date several people before finding someone who makes you feel like you have to know more about them and are willing to put in that effort with. So any-who, this is what my reader asked:

["I wanna hear your thoughts on breakups that involve both parties that still deeply love each other....even after if one of the parties admits to messing up the relationship, breaks it off to better themselves as an individual. Give your opinion if they should work it out or just let it go"]

>>> I would LOOOOVE it if you all could leave some feedback in my COMMENTS section on this topic! I have only been truly in love one time and these were not the terms we split on so I can only speak but so much on this topic. For me, I'm not a "break up to make up" type, so when a relationship is ended, whether by me or by him, I reflect, chalk it up, and move on. If I feel it is worth fighting for, I will. However, I feel as though if you are just going though something with your partner why break up rather then work through it? Why not try to resolve the issue first, then if you two cannot agree to disagree or find middle-ground and move forward together without holding that issue over one each other's head in the future, then why continue? Especially if you feel this is someone you wanted to marry or become life partners with, then you have to learn to work thru even the toughest of things. Those hurdles will either make or break a relationship. It really depends upon the worth of the relationship to the partners(in my opinion). The saying "it takes two to tango" though it is so cliche, it is a great one! Even if one person is wrong, you cannot spend this undisclosed amount of time expecting them to be making it up to you while you do nothing! You should still be putting in effort, being (at least) some what understanding, and letting them know that you see they are or are not trying! Relationships are ALWAYS a two-way street! It is not just about you, it is about you BOTH! An age old piece of advice i was given was to do a "pros and cons" list. If the Pros outweigh then you stay. By weigh we mean quality, not necessarily the amount of pros outweigh the cons. A guy can be everything to his woman but also be a "woman beater" or a woman could be everything to her man, but also be a chronic cheater. So, don't just think of "how many" think of how important certain traits are to you in a relationship but also reflect on what your partner desires and ask yourself "Am I doing my part?".

---- So again, I ask of you all, please give your thoughts on this topic below!!

              W.hat-W.ould-Y.ou-D.o?

"Every little thing that we do..."

Remember that song? "Between Me & You" by Ja Rule and Christina Milian? Well that song definitely just had me thinking about those people who are either always in someone's business or blabbing their own for attention! You know the ones; the ones who tell the world their business or social networks, or always fishin' in someone else's - trying to give advice but ain't handling their own business. The irony: they're either single(and have been for God knows how long), or in terrible relationships themselves!

When I'm in a relationship, I'm not telling all of my business. Except the happy stuff! Lol. But I don't even tell all that either because there's always someone who wants to kill your joy! They say "misery loves company," right? There's always someone who's going to try to bring you down or try to fix what ain't broken! And if people find out you have drama in your life, they are trying to find out about it!

EX: > "I miss my boyfriend , not talking to him fucking sucks ! 😔" < An invite for a prowling guy to swoop in!!

I cannot even count the number of times I see people on Twitter and Facebook talking about how they are with their significant other, but they're tweeting. So, someone like me will think: "Hmmm, so social networks are more important to you than giving your mate some attention?" Or how about the ones who are in bad relationships and are telling the world about it!? "Ugh, he can tweet but he ain't textin me? Oh I'm bout to be single again" Really though? There are still people who don't know I got divorce from my ex! Lol. Some things just not need be broadcasted - at least not right after it happens.

And to you single people who have never even had a real relationship...a GOOD real relationship...How dare you? How you all in your friend's business telling them how to act when you can't keep a dude/girl yaself for more than a month? Get outta here. If you're in a relationship follow what my man Ginuwine said... "It ain't none of your friends' business" <---- Truer words have never been spoken!!

However...if you're going to vent...might I recommend:

• Talk to someone in a successful relationship (preferably someone married)
• Talk to someone experienced! (most likely someone older)
• Talk to someone neutral and unbiased who will keep it real with you not just sugarcoat everything
• Wait until the situation is over and done with!

Handle YOUR business on your own!! Advice is okay to get of course. Take it into consideration, but these solutions don't play out exactly the same for everyone! Opinions should not be taken literally! But that's just me.

>>>> What y'all think about people who blast their business all over the internet? <<<<

Weigh In... 

Riddle me This...

 

We all demand respect...but why do we insist on being disrespectful? You know those people who take their bad day out on EVERYONE else? Or how about the guys who treats certain chicks like dirt, hit it 'n quit it, but then wine and dine others? If she's not worth your time why not just keep it movin'? Why kick some dirt on her first? Women this goes for you too! Why take advantage of the nice guy? Why let him do so much for you then tell him you're not really into him? These are the reasons people are afraid to let themselves go and open up! People just love to take one's niceness for weakness but steady preach how they are "bad b**ches", or got "swag", and all of this. Forget swag!...have some class! Stand out! Why are you dumbing yourself down to fit in, but then expect the best out of your partner? You are trying to get the most girls at first, but once you're ready for "that one" you're struggling. Why? Because all you know is being a dude with "swag" but no manners, no goals, no real accomplishments, treating chicks like concrete and steppin' on 'em! That's like having $1.50 trying to get Big Mac! It's out of your reach! How can you demand to be treated well ALL of the time when you're not dishing it out? Someone fill me in!

......Practice what you preach!

How can you want man with a job/good money, a car, a degree, no kids, no STDs, dresses nice, a gentleman, faithful, etc, etc,... yet you've been rippin' and running around all promiscuous, no goals, no plan except Plan B, and no goals "but you can roll a fat j though"!? Yet, the guys you're out here praising and dating are in and out of jail living with his folks, no job, no school, not even trying to fix his future, "but he tatted though"? They say "you attract what you put out" so why are you still actin' no good and mad when you get a "good for nothin' " dude? Someone fill me in!!

How can you want a girl who keeps her body right, has a job, no pregnancies, level-headed, and doing something positive with herself (etc, etc)...yet, you're chasing and praising the girls in music videos, talking about how you're trying to live like Rick Ross but you're living like Ferris Bueller? Taking too many days off, never putting in work! Or you're too content with renting out your parent's basement and not even trying to better yourself?.....Fill me in Pleeease!!

The person you are with should compliment you and vice versa! How can you as for the intangibles that you don't even possess yourself?



Just a thought..

Let it Go!: Breakups - (rehashed)

 

One of my readers (@2big4Kah) brought an interesting topic to my attention about closure and denial when you come out of a relationship. He also mentioned that some women and men, feel the need to pretty much trash their ex because it's over... "and after the relationship, why put your ex name in the mud though or talk bad about them, or worse make up lies, smh." -Kah. That being said, think about it folks - if they're that bad of a person, then it reflects YOUR judgment to an extent. So think twice before you proceed to bash. I know when coming out of a serious relationship you feel a vast amount of different emotions - anger, sadness, confusion- but bashing your ex or even their new love interest is not how you find closure. Trust me I've been that girl and it did not make me feel any better about myself. When I did it, my conscious set in and I turned around and apologized. Some would be like "why would you do that?" But at the end of the day it wasn't about her, it was about him, breaking my heart and what I wished I could do to have him feel that hurt. But again that does not do anything for ME because it's still becoming all about him. In my opinion, breaking up needs to be about you. You take that time to evaluate the situation and figure out what YOU want and what you're willing to do to save the relationship (if that's what YOU want).Working on myself made me feel better about myself. I lost weight, felt healthier, had a clearer head, bought new clothes, grades picked up in college and I accepted the past for what it was and eventually moved on. One thing I'll say, the idea of starting back at square one with someone new SUCKS, but when you do find a great candidate it starts to feel worth it.

So, I found an article  Click here to see this full article:>> 10 Steps for Post Breakup that pretty much gives some tips on how to get through a break-up and I've highlighted a few because these are things I focus on during a breakup.

This website Lifescripts.com has also some suggestions on how to move on after a breakup. Some of which I've actually already mentioned:
*Accept it!
*Learn From it!
*Distance Yourself
*Focus on YOU!

Acceptance...
[“Even though it may not have worked out the way you wanted, accepting that the relationship was limited and is over is very important,” Dr. Orloff advises. "] Accept the fact that it's over. Unless you two are just taking a break (which I personally despise), you need to just realize that either the relationship has ran it's course, or that you two may have some growing to do and maybe you'll reunite in the future. Stop obsessing and putting yourself down thinking there's something you can do to win them back and don't be in DENIAL that it's over! Even if there is a possibility you too can be together in the future, focus on bettering yourself for YOURSELF. Meanwhile, meet new people and do the things you've missed doing. If it's meant to happen, the signs will be there without force and you two can reconcile if possible.

Distance Yourself
["Maybe one day the two of you can be friends again, but now is not the time. Your heart is still freshly wounded and seeing or contacting him will only make things worse. "] I DEFINITELY have to distance myself. I will cut an ex straight off like he killed my fish and not want to be in any contact with them until MAYBE we're in a good place to speak. I personally don't really like to befriend exes (check out a later article about this), but I don't hold grudges much either so if I'm over it by the time I see you, no bad blood. I will say this, I will NOT double back! Once we're done, we're over! I don't break-up, make-up break-up again.

Reflection/Soul-Searching...
You need to come to terms with why you two split but don't dwell on it. Regardless of fault, I am just talking about the issue that split you two up. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just ask yourself some questions. Were you ignoring signs? Where an YOU improve? Remember, breaking up is now about you and how tou can be a better individual. Whatever the other person has to work out you can't control. No one changes for someone else, if they do, it's called ACTING..You can only worry about YOU!


>>>>How do YOU get over an EX or former flame? Share in the Comments section!!<<<<



Only time will tell. It does not happen overnight so do not expect to be over your ex by the following week especially if you were in love. Take some "YOU" time. Learn from the experience you've just went through and find something positive out of it as well that'll have you looking forward to the future. I have provided a few extra links of interesting articles for those who want to read on.


Break-Ups Uplifting Quotes for Moving on Post Breakup

Obey Your "Thirst"

 

Sometimes I wish the word "thirst" would just get abolished!! I am so sick and tired of people screen-shotting compliments and calling it "thirst". What kind of gratification did you get from exposing that person just now? Especially those who screen-shot the obvious jokes and call it thirst like that person really meant it. "Girl I'll drink your bath water" <--- "omg y'all look he so thirsty"  -____- . 

No matter how crazy the compliment, appreciate it and keep it moving. Laugh about it if need be, but don't EVER think you're TOO good to be called something that you won't appreciate! The moment you get called stuck up or ugly you get upset! I can't tell you how many times I've gotten direct messages on Twitter saying "I always thought you were beautiful but I ain't wanna seem thirsty." So compliments are a negative thing now? Who in the world started that anyway? I'd love to know! In my opinion thirst is about dying for some attention! Learn how to decipher between the true "thirst" (and "Thirst Traps"), and the jokes! I still just refrain from using the word "thirsty" anyway unless I really could use a swig of Deer Park ...(no tap water buddy).

And it's not just happening on social networks either. Some people act too good in person to take a compliment for what it is...a compliment and nothing more. If someone is complimenting you because they want to "holla" at you then following the compliment should be "can I have your number?" If those words did not leave their lips why are you assuming? Why are you being rude? I'm just not the type to be mean to a person for no reason whether I'm interested in them or not. Stay humble before you crumble!

...so let me reiterate --> you're never too good to be called something you won't appreciate!




...Just a thought.