Monday Night RAW!

Do y'all remember Monday night Raw? I believe it still comes on now, but it's one of the nights WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment) comes on. Well I think this is synonymous to couple's fighting over the remote to watch those Monday Prime-time shows (lol). Like wrestling, things can get nasty when a couple's fighting over watching their TV shows! Especially on Mondays when there seems to be an overwhelming Primetime line-up on numerous shows on ESPN, NBC, FOX, VH1, etc, etc to watch that all start b/t 8 and 10pm. I mean you'd think you need multiple TVs to catch it all! A friend of mine, DeAndre (@FlyGuyJoker) brought this topic to me and I just had to use it because I know this is an all-to-common situation amongst most couples.Think about it, how many of you all have fought over what TV shows to watch when you're with your significant other? I know I've been there! Those nights we would be sitting and suddenly it's 8 o'clock and I want to watch Basketball Wives, Bad Girls Club, Gossip Girl and Dancing With the stars, while he wanted to watch Basketball, Football, or play the PS3!

Here's DeAndre's thought on this topic:

"Ask any couple, married, dating, and everything in between, the main cause for ANY argument in the house is not the mysterious telephone call…. Not fighting over the blanket at 2 in the morning….not even the hidden bank account…. The main cause sits on your couch, living room table, or the bed. The TV Remote. Season Finales coinciding with the playoffs, NFL nightgames and New Housewives of whatever state, Bad Girls Club and boxing. If you or your mate doesn’t have an agreed taste in TV, prepare for one potentially destructive altercation. I’ve been there before. Me and my ex would debate over her Flavor of Love, and my Monday Night Wrestling. The argument lasted so long, that both shows were missed. But there are solutions to this outrageous situation. Cable & internet have gotten advanced during the years. Things such as ON Demand & Hulu have helped contribute to catching up on television episodes. And for the sports fans? Sports websites and EPSN also has coverage as well. Live streams, real-time scores, etc. But the main concern is who gets to watch it live or on its debut when it’s broadcasted. Couples have gone to the extreme as to buy a 2^nd television just to avoid any arguments…but not everyone can buy a 2^nd television!!!!

At the end of the day, the only key to resolve the situation is COMMUNICATION! If you and your mate sit and discuss ways to settle the War of the TV, things can fare well. Just going for/snatching the remote…terrible idea. And everybody knows that one subject to argue on, bounces straight into another. So the core solution to the situation is…Communication before Channeling."

So, the dilemma here, as DeAndre mentioned, would be who get's to watch what? Well honestly, as long as the show reruns on a regular basis or before the next episode, I didn't mind missing the first showing. As also mentioned, with all of the new technology, DVR definitely lightens the blows, lol. So for all you couples fighting over what to watch, might I suggest getting DVR service because usually you can record up to two shows at a time. Actually, if you are REALLY feeling like spending duckets, Verizon has a DVR setup that records, I believe, 5 shows at once! If You have more than one television that also helps. Either way let's be reasonable, Ladies, we know there's no point in catching game 5 three months later when it replays. Let him watch his game because Bad Girls Club and Basketball Wives isn't going anywhere! Most shows rerun now a days or are available somewhere if it's not, maybe you two can compromise on a way to rotate or as D suggested catch the sports highlights later. We know ESPN runs that stuff ALLLLL night! If you two don't even live together, well, if the show is THAT important, record it at home or watch it at home first before seeing one another. Do what you have to do to avoid the resentment. However, if you harbor resentment over missing a television show, umm might want to evaluate you all's relationship.So the morals here are COMMUNICATION, TEAMWORK and PROBLEM SOLVING. Work it out!









Just a thought...
*** SPECIAL THANKS TO DEANDRE FOR COLLABORATING WITH ME ON THIS POST!***

Proceed With Caution - Dating Red Flags

 

When you want to get to know someone, you usually want to keep your eyes open for any red flags and "deal-breakers" that you may want to think about before taking things to far with someone. All too much I see people just jump into a relationship after only knowing someone for a few weeks. Then when that "first date face" phase passes, they begin learning the REAL person..the good & the flaws or the things they refuse to tolerate. [FYI: "First Date Face" is basically when you're on your best behavior trying to be as perfect as you can and impress the person you are interested in].

Below are some Red Flags that you may want to keep an eye on when single and mingling. At the end, I've also attached some links with more red flags!

• Insecurities, Flaws, and Deal-breakers

Everyone should have deal-breakers, reasonable ones of course (you shouldn't be asking for what you don't even have to offer). Be weary of a person's insecurities or flaws. In the beginning a person is putting on their best to impress you but as you spend time with them you will learn about their flaws and insecurities, some of which you may not be able to deal with.

• Their Lifestyle

In my opinion a couple should compliment each other in some way and though people claim "opposites attract" this is not always the case. Be aware of that person's lifestyle because whether you realize it or not once you're dating someone certain decisions made by one of you can affect you both. Know what you're getting into from the beginning because there's nothing worse than a person who claims to like you just how you are then starts trying to change everything about you!

• When was their last relationship and how long did it last?

Watch out for serial daters or relationship bouncers - those people who have never been steady/stable with someone for more than a few months. Sometimes this can mean this person has no guidelines about what they desire in a mate. Which ties into my next one...

• Uncertainty

The person does not know what qualities they admire in a potential mate. This also relates to someone who's uncertain of their future, meaning, they do not know what they want for their future nor do they have any sense of direction in this area. A person this unsure may be impulsive and sometimes irrational- not always thinking their decisions through. Spontaneity is great, but as adults there needs to be some sort of outline/plan or inspiration to follow.Though there's nothing wrong with possibly being a good motivator, you should not have to the "parent" and "raise" them from scratch to get them to find a path.

• They seem too desperate about the “idea” of a relationship or "Don’t want to sleep alone" Syndrome

Really no one wants to be single forever, but if they are always rushing into relationships and settling for anyone for the sake of not being single, you may want to go around them or make them take it slow with you. Also, if they talk about a long future with you when you haven't even learned their last name, they need to slow down! Most experts suggest it takes a minimum of 3 months or later to know someone enough to possibly takes things further with them. I've heard others say you need to see them in ALL the seasons. Personally I like to wait a few months myself, especially if we spent a lot of time together in those few months, but to each his own. Just make sure you know the most important things, other things will be learned as the bonds progresses.

• If they seems to be all about is the sex

You know those one's who never want to spend quality time with you? Never want to do things beyond the bedroom. You're pretty much a "booty call." I just feel that a person who feels that intimacy, romance and affection is simply SEX, then they apparently are lacking some depth. Sex is not the only extension of showing someone how you feel about them! Let’s make that very clear. You'd be amazed how some of

• People with Children

Of course not everyone with children, but we do know what I mean - those guys or girls who's child's other parent has an issue with them moving on and insists on getting in between. Make sure that guy/girl has all of that in order first! Also, have them reassure you that they can balance their parenting with their love life. I don't know about y'all but if a guy is consecutively having to give "rain-checks" because he has no babysitter or what have you, maybe he needs to be better prepared before trying to seriously date.

**There are other Red Flags to watch out for but these are to name a few. The moral of this is, "Proceed With Caution! No need to be all in too soon!**

>>>>> Check out These links for more Red Flags to look out for!! More Dating Red Flags Red Flags Men Should Consider... Dating Red Flags Women Must Look For

Perception, and the Backlash

I don't care what anyone says, perception matters and at some point everyone cares what people think about them. You may not care about what every single person thinks about you but there's certain people that you want to see you in a certain light...So I ask, are you presenting yourself the way you want people to see you?

This is especially seen in dating and sex. Ladies, how many guys tell you they can give you the world, bring you the moon, got a "mandingo", will blow ya back out and all this extra stuff, but their actions show otherwise or they fall "short"(ha)?? Just stop talking about it and be about it!! Now I ain't just jumping on the guys because women do it too! Saying she is this flexible or can do this and that in bed...Either way, you can say what you want, but a person is going to eventually learn the real you and see you from your actions and how you present yourself regardless of all that yikkity yak you kickin'!

Perception has so many dimensions. Think about fashion. I feel your style should be a direct reflection of who you are. Why? Because whether you realize it or not, the first thing a person will see when they see you is what's on the surface. They will see your clothes, your physique, your feature, hair, etc... If you present yourself in a certain light, people will perceive you a certain way. Unfortunately, if you never get a chance to see that person all they have is that first impression of you. So if you want to walk around in booty shorts and see through clothes with no bra on, extra makeup extra weave, etc etc, you can't control the reactions you're going to get and you can only be so mad about it because that's how you present yourself. You don't want to be called a slob, don't walk around always looking sloppy. You don't want to be thought of as a "skank" then think about what you are doing to put off this type of image. You show up at a job interview with ill fitting or unprofessional clothing, those people may assume you are sloppy, don't pay attention to detail and may not even be organized. Many don't realize how much information (positive or negative or misunderstood) that they could be giving off simply by what they wear, how they talk, walk, etc.


Social networks are tricky because many use social networks as a stage to create this person that they really are not! I like to call these people DECEPTICONS. On social networks a person only knows you by what you post and how you look in your photo and you cannot really control what they think unless you are paying attention to the details. So if you are bent on people not getting the wrong idea about you. Take a look at your wardrobe, you networking & job profiles and figure out if you are satisfied.


Now, though I don't think people should be quick to judge without knowing you, some people just don't have the kind of time but at the same time there are some things you can catch early!

Just something to think about...

Trust Issues...

Trust, No one

I don't know about y'all, but frankly I get annoyed when I hear people say they don't trust anyone and blame it on someone that betrayed their trust at some point. I feel like people who don't trust anyone can't be too trustworthy themselves because they'll probably lie just to protect themselves from being LIED TO. You can't trust EVERYBODY but you can trust SOMEBODY, you just have to understand that no one is 100% trustworthy. Sorry to tell you! If you think that you done told someone some secrets and they didn't at least tell one person one of those secrets, you're very naive. And I wish a *You-know-who* would say they "keep it a hunnet" 100% of the time. They've just probably told someone who doesn't know anyone who knows you so it never got back to you or someone who has to reason to even utter that situation to anyone else, lol (Be Real we've all done it). I'm just saying be real with yourself and stop using your past as an excuse for not trusting others who have given you no reason to not trust em yet. Quite frankly, you shouldn't tell anyone something you don't mind "the world" knowing. If you need to vent, vent to someone who forgets quickly or doesn't know who you're talking about. They'll be around for the convo but by the time they leave out the door they remember nothing and you feel a weight lifted off your shoulders (win-win) lol....That's just a suggestion though.

Now in terms of relationships and what not, seems like people are so afraid to open up to someone because of something that's been done to them. Well you're living life in fear! Sometimes you just have to take the chance and the risk if you plan to LIVE life. Walking around afraid to open up to someone that you genuinely care about only sets you back. How else do you learn to trust someone? You both have to put yourselves out there with each other and be there for each other to build that trust. Don't make promises you can't keep and don't sell someone dreams or say you will do something when you have no intentions of doing it.

You have to learn to move on from the past and stop letting it affect your future to the point where you are just going to always be unhappy and bitter. Stop assuming the worst from the jump with the new person you are dating! Yes there are signs that should be paid attention to, but some of the things that people assume someone is cheating on them are crazy as I don't know what sometimes! How's that person supposed to prove to you they are different when you take that chance away?





--- Just a Thought






** And I thought this was a great article about Trust : Trust Issues ...I'll add more links if I find any**

Not Right Now, I'm Grindin...

So something I've noticed since being back in the dating world is some guys claiming they don't want relationships because they are "all about my(their) grind". More so the ones trying to break into the entertainment industry...and ESPECIALLY in the DC/MD/VA area which is heavy with music. I had a guy tell me "when I'm grindin' everybody gets cut off" ...yet when he was flying under the radar he was all about "us" telling me he wants to progress with me ...Sooo when the going gets rough you just start dropping people you supposedly care for rather than put forth some effort? I mean the least you can do is let her know off jump you don't want a relationship so she has the chance to keep it movin or accept things for what it is rather than you just playing things along but never really let it be known.

Trust me, I'm not one to try to stand in the way of one's grind or ask to have priority over it, but I am trying to get where I want to go too you ain't the only one! So the way my mind works is let's grind "together", let's push each other, motivate each other, cheer for and support one another, ya know? What strikes me even further, is many of these same guys have trust issues with women and assume women only want them for their money once they start "making it big". Then it's their fault because they weren't around for the STRUGGLE. So why push em away when your merely a whisper, but then when you make it and they swarm now you feel they all just want the money? Which is it gonna be?

I understand men feel like they need to be the "provider" for their lady and spoil her and that when it comes to relationships, some of y'all feel us ladies don't want to date a guy unless he has a certain amount of funds. However, if we supposedly want these things then why are you surprised about them sharks? Someone clear it up for me because I am just so confused. Why not just be an opportunist and seize the moment like you do with other things? Guys always say they want that "down a** chick" that "ride or die" but don't give a lady a chance to "ride" with you and be there when you're at your lowest to help pick you up and help keep you focused. If you don't desire a chick trying to "come up" off you then how about you let one come up WITH you?

Disclaimer: Now I'm not trying to bash dudes because that's not what this blog is about, but I just had to get this off my chest because I'm hoping some fellas out there can give me some feedback and possibly put this into perspective in a way I'll better understand. because I honestly have trouble wrapping my head around the idea that you're not going to at least put forth the EFFORT to make things work. Timing doesn't just fall into place all of the time you two have to work as a TEAM. Furthermore, I'm not saying this problem is limited to the guys, but I'm just speaking to you all right now.






Just a thought.

Is it Really the Little Things that Matter??

Most women say "I love a man who remembers the little things" but the moment our anniversary gift is not that "special" some of us throw a fit. So is there an unspoken balance that should exist between the "little things" and the "Hallmark" moments?


Let's take Valentine's Day for example. I have a friend who says he's done celebrating Valentine's Day because women expect too much on that day. He has a point. Some women expect for their man to go all out on V-Day, Birthdays, and X-Mas, but what about the other 362/363 days of the year?


I'm not saying a guy should buy his lady gifts daily or weekly or that it even has to be something tangible. However, in my opinion, those little moments where you pointed out a perfume you liked when you two were window shopping then a week later he surprises you with it just to see you smile is just one of those moments that add up and remind you why you care about that person so much. Or how about when you come home after a long day and HE actually cooked YOU dinner, has your favorite shows recorded and is going to give YOU a massage? The little things usually seem more genuine and thoughtful rather than going to the store and buying cliche things or trying to outspend yourself from last year's gift. I must also add though that people do too much demanding when it comes to material things in relationships rather than giving someone the chance to WANT to do things for them. Our expectations are through the roof on the wrong things!! A person who cares will go over the moon for you but if you pressure them it starts to seem generic. But eh I mean who am I to say?...




Just a thought.

Can You Take a Hint?

Ever been blinded by the fact that you like someone so much you are not even watching the signs that they are not into you? Or do you genuinely not even know if they are? Some people try to rely on giving subtle hints that they don't share any romantic interest in you to spare your feelings. We've all done it and probably still do it sometimes.

Though I feel just coming out and telling you they are not really into you is the best policy, I want to point out a few obvious and some not-so-obvious signs that a person you are into is just NOT feeling the same way...


1. Dry conversation/they don’t try to get to know you
– Those people who give really short answers on the regular and don't ask you anything in return probably don't feel much like engaging in the conversation. Someone who’s into you is going to try to learn everything there is to know, right? I'd think so.

2. You are ALWAYS initiating conversation first.
– I don't know about y'all, but when I'm really liking someone all I think about is him and how I can't wait to see him again. If it seems you two only talk when you hit them first, chances are you are not on their mind and that’s probably because they are not feeling you like that or they like someone more than they like you. Sometimes a person is "busy" but honestly, if they like you enough, they will make time whether it's a small 30 minute window or a couple hours from a day.

3. Minimal physical contact
– Even virgins will still show you they are interested with a hug, kiss, cuddle, hand-holding, etc… if the person does not even want to give you a nice lil' hug, then they are probably not attracted to you.

– This goes for dates too. Just because they agree to a date doesn't mean you have their complete interest so if at they are fidgety like they are rushing the date and don't want to sit and perhaps chat some more or anything, take that as a sign there may not be a love connection.

4. No Eye Contact
– I know sometimes people are shy but if they are, say, steady looking at their phone, looking around the room, steady watching the clock or anything else that distracts them from looking at you then they are probably uninterested.

5. They never express interest in you
– If you are constantly saying things like "we should go on a date" or "I really want to know you more on a personal level" and they are saying NO or skating around answering you, Please, TAKE THE HINT and keep it moving. Sometimes a person has to warm up to you for a while before they start to like you but in most cases a person knows at first sight and definitely after a conversation or two that they are interested in further getting to know you. Look at it as THEIR loss *shrugs*.

6. The person uses closed up body language/sits far away/facing away from you on a date or in the same room
– Either this person does not like you, or they have another romantic interest in the room and don't want to get caught up! (lol).


**Sometimes you have those tricky ones who say they're interested but are not really showing it or they are very half-assed and minimal about what they say or do. Well there could be a variety of reasons they may be doing such a thing:

a. They just like the attention...
b. They just like the attention...
c. THEY JUST LIKE THE ATTENTION!!


(lol)...Why else lead someone on? Especially when you're not even being physical with each other. They just like getting attention and being showered with whatever nice things you are saying to them and they like being chased.


Some of what I mentioned (and more) are on these two sites. Check em out!

"Signs He's Not Into You" "Subtle Signs She's Not Into You"


* I hope this has been informative and helpful. Keep your eyes open the next time you express interest in someone. If something feels shady, it probably is so TAKE THE HINT! You may know the answers without even needing to ask the question! Feel free to add more pointers, links, etc.*