Monday, March 18, 2013

"Mistakes" Men & Women Make With Each Other


I was just browsing through random links on my email site and came across this article: 7 Mistakes Women Are Making with Men and I particularly found number's 5,6 & 7 (Feeling abandoned, assuming he can multitask and competing with his mission)  interesting because I have been one to bring this up to a guy I may have been dating. I've definitely felt like I wasn't getting the attention I may have been showing to my guy or wonder why he can't talk to me and watch TV at the same time. At times, I may have not even mentioned it because I don't want to "nag" but when dealing with your happiness you MUST speak up or you only have yourself to blame! yourself! You're just dealing with the unhappiness until you explode. I would not even wait around for that to happen, honestly. Anywho, men tend to only be able to focus on one task at a time so be a little more patient but don't hold things in either. Find the balance come to compromises as well.
With #7, I just feel like if a guy is taking the time to get involved with you and you've made it clearly what you desire in a relationship, he should feel obligated to hold up his end. I want my man to succeed just as much as he does, but there a way to do things and not do things. If your "grind" is that serious, it's probably not the best idea to get involved with someone unless you have an understanding from the very BEGINNING! I definitely had a guy be all about me, then decide he wants to put more effort into certain things and just left me hanging. Couldn't even let me know that was the case! Even though the truth hurts, when you're honest, a person can never say you were a liar. Communicate! If you want something light or not long term, don't date the chick who is set on finding "the one"!
On the other end of the spectrum, there followed the article 8 Mistakes Men Make With Women and found this quote from "Mistake #1: Not listening" so spot on about women:

“Men don’t understand that women talk to connect,” Love says. “A man thinks she is talking to tell him something.”


I think this quote is spot on because talking is what we women do and if we feel we can share so much with our man it's because we are confiding in him and that is one of our ways of showing that we are more comfortable with you and are feeling closer to you as well. I must be honest, one of the best things about talking to guys, even when they engage, they don't (usually) go off and gossip your business because they've probably already forgotten it once the convo is over. At least engage in the conversation while it's going on, if it contains hints, those are the big things to remember (if you forget everything else, lol).

I think "Mistake #2: Not offering help" is quite interesting too. I can definitely recall mentioning I needed to wash my car then waking up to find that my car has been washed for me. I don't know about you women, but those things I appreciate more than flowers on Valentine's Day. It's what he Does ALL YEAR that makes him a keeper, not whether he remembers to buy you chocolates on Valentine's Day.


One last that I found interesting was "Mistake #4: Mistaking the silent treatment". The article mentions how a silent woman isn't usually a good thing. I've always felt if you're in a relationship and have never had any type of argument and your partner is "flawless" and etc., etc., someones hiding something! No one's perfect! One thing I've seen is people fall for that 1st impression. Don't get caught up in that. Learn that person's flaws and traits! Why? Because you should know at least some of them before getting too involved with someone, or else you hit that moment where in the 2nd month of dating you learn about something that is a deal breaker for you. Some experts suggest seeing how one acts through all the seasons. To each his own. But still, definitely spend enough time with that person in different settings to learn the different sides of them.

So READERS, I ask you,  what are some mistakes or misconceptions that we genders make about one another? I really would like for you all to CHIME IN!!! All views welcome! Just please be tasteful with it!

Friday, March 1, 2013

Love Language...

My friend just sparked something interesting with a comment he made to me after I made a comment . He said: ' I bet your love language is words of affirmation'. Well, to be honest, I was not 100% sure what that meant, pertaining to "love language"  so, I looked up some articles online and found an article:Love Affirmation and this site The 5 Love Languages. It listed the 5 Languages of Love as: Quality Time, Affirmation, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, and Receiving Gifts. I took the quiz and it revealed that my primary love language is Quality Time (with a score of 9), followed by Affirmation and Acts of Service (both scored a 7), then Physical Touch(4), and Receiving gifts(3). The highest score you can get in any of these areas is 12. I think my results make perfect sense. I base my relationships highly on someone being a person of their word. If you say this is who you are, or this is how you feel, it better come across in your actions or the words mean nothing. Once my trust has been earned, one's word hold more value than before. I won't take what you say lightly. If I like, dislike, appreciate, or love someone, I have no problem saying it but I also pride myself on showing it.  Furthermore with the results, I'm a physical person but that is not the most important which also reflects in my results. Intimacy is important don't get me wrong, but sex is not the only part of intimacy nor is the physical the only or most important factor for me. Your whole relationship should not be based on the sex. Because honestly, you've probably had better sex(in the technical sense) with someone you don't even have real feelings for, and it was just about 'getting the job done'. BUT, the sex with someone you're in a relationship with(and/or in love with) there is a connection that is so intense and passionate, it surpasses plain old sex with no feelings involved. However, to each his own, because to some people, bad sex is a deal-breaker.
Moving on...If I feel I am showing love but not getting it in return or at least getting that appreciation, I tend to feel insulted and begin to withdraw. Who wants to be constantly putting themselves out there to someone and not get it in return ya know? I certainly don't!
Just a thought...
**So I want you all to please do me a favor, check out the links I provided earlier. I'll post them again below. Take the "Love Language Quiz" then answer my poll here on the right. The poll is completely anonymous!!! Also, if you'd like to discuss your results or give your opinion about Love Language and whether it makes any sense to you, I'd love to hear it!! Write Away!!!

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