You have just entered....
*Cue Twilight Zone Theme*
"...mr friendzone...or young bestie face....aka no cheeks McGhee...- Junya
"The Friend Zone is a bullshit, misogynistic, make-believe land Nice Guys have come up with to demonize women for not wanting to date them. They use it as an excuse to ignore the fact that there are Actual Reasons behind their decision to not pursue a relationship or have sex with this guy. You know, like not being physically attracted to them. Or not being able to connect with them. Or seeing through their crap and realizing that the only reason these guys are even friends with them in the first place is so they can get laid."....." This is my message to all the Nice Guys out there: if you call a woman a bitch, a slut, a skank, a whore, ugly, whatever, because she doesn’t want you, you are not nice. If you’re only nice to a woman because you want to be with her, you are not nice. And if you whine about constantly being Friend Zoned, it’s probably because you are not nice. End of story." - Femininspire.com "Nice Guy Syndrome and The Friendzone.
Hello all! Been a while, I know. So this topic was brought to me by a good friend of mine and I know we can ALL relate. If you've never been put in the friend-zone, you've never really gone for something! Either that, or you're God. Which, I 100% doubt the latter. Anywho...once you get put in the "dreaded" friendzone, what's next? Good question! I don't know! Personally, when I see/meet someone, I usually have an idea of what my intention is almost right away. One thing I'd add, if you're overly sexually attracted to them, chances are all you want is sex and nothing else. Whether it's to be friends with them, or there's perhaps some inkling of curiosity or romantic interest on my end. Of course other times we end up falling for a friend we already knew.
So how do you take that rejection "gracefully"? Or do you? I've experienced guys get livid. I've experienced confusion on my end because I get a different vibe than I am being told. You know, those ones who talk the talk but actions are of no relation? Or how about the ones who have all of these expectations from you, but don't want a relationship? OH the confusionnnn!
Anywho, I looked around the internet and these are some of the things that could help you possibly avoid being knocked in the manhole known as the Friend Zone or help you get out of that Zone and into the RUNNING, via Askmen.com:
Treat her like a
Be a gentleman more often. Chances are you're overlooking her as a woman. You might not treat her exactly like a male buddy, but things between the two of you are relaxed…too relaxed. When walking, offer her your arm; open doors and pull out chairs; give her the occasional compliment; avoid blatantly checking out other women in front of her. Of course, don't go overboard and venture into sap territory; that would keep you firmly inside the friend zone.
Step up the Flirting
Now that you're treating her less as a buddy and more like a ”real girl,” introduce more flirting into the relationship. This has to be discreet, though. Going from her friend to a leering pervert in the space of one day is not how it's done. Start with the simplest of things: Hold her gaze for longer than you normally would and focus more attention on her in conversations. Spend more time trying to make her laugh in a way that encourages one-on-one banter (as opposed to just goofing off like you would with a friend). Over time, this can be expanded to include flirting of the pickup variety. Your advantage here is that you can easily read how well she is taking all this and adjust it as necessary. Also, she won't immediately put up the “stop the pickup” barriers, meaning there's a greater chance she’ll enjoy it and reciprocate.
Break the Touch barrier
Encourage more physical flirting. Touch her consciously so it promotes positive thoughts in her. Touching her arm during conversation, putting your hand on the small of her back while waiting at the bar, brushing something out of her hair...build up an air of intimacy that she finds desirable.
Use your friends
· Encourage these girlfriends to draw attention to your more attractive traits. Remember: At some point your target has considered whether you could be a potential partner or not. So, the aim of her friends' peer pressure is to remind her of the good qualities she noticed in you when you first met. As well as encouraging her, your helpers can also feed you information that is beneficial to your cause. They can tell you if she is open to a relationship right now or if she's bored on Saturday nights and wants someone to take her out.
Encourage dating behavior
· Get out of the zone: A date is essentially a relationship interview -- a chance to show off your best side in the hopes that it’ll lead somewhere. A good way to do this with a friend is to take up a shared hobby. This allows the two of you to spend some exclusive time together and she may notice something in you that she overlooked before. Going for drinks or a meal afterward reinforces the dating atmosphere. Again, don't be too eager; your aim is make her want to spend this alone time with you and lead her to suggest more “dates.”
Change something about yourself
· Make positive changes to yourself that will make them see you in a new light. A new haircut or a new wardrobe could catch their eye. Or by displaying a more confident attitude, it might force ‘em to rethink whether you're in the “friend” or “boyfriend” category. (*Exercise some commonsense and subtlety, though. If she says she likes a new band, don't rush out and buy all their albums, merchandise and tickets to their next gig -- that just comes across as pathetic.)
Lastly, be real with yourself
If you know what you want out the deal and you’re not getting it, then don’t act deceptively and then you’re mad when things don’t play out the other way. For example, claiming you want to be friends when you really want to be more. If you tell her someone you want to be friends, you can’t be mad that they’re treating you like a friend, lol, HELLO! You asked for it! You are interested in getting to know someone in a way that could possibly turn into something romantic, find a way to say so to assure no confusion.
DISCLAIMER: ***Let’s not get it confused, doing these things does not necessarily mean she’ll respond positively. She/he really just may not be into you romantically. If that’s the case, what I do is KEEP IT MOVING. Hope these tips can better help you avoid…
*cues twilight theme*…
THE FRIENDZONE…
>>>> HAVE ANY TIPS, EXPERIENCES, AND COMMENTS? PLEASE LEAVE SOME BELOW!!!
Another thing is to not treat women negatively in front of them. They will think you'd treat them like that as well. Instead treat every female you encounter in their presence respectfully and don't be a male hoe around them either. I've done both and regret it. But imma hoe so I've been with enough females to be friends with some. Plus by having female friends, you know how to get thru to other females and "seal the deal"
ReplyDeleteI think that's a great point. Like the chick said in the quote, you're not nice if you're only nice to the chicks you want sex or something in return from. Just be respectful to every woman.
DeleteI have been unfortunate enough to fall in the dreaded friendzone twice in my life, both in my 20s.
ReplyDeleteAs I matured I actually adapted most of your points you made in avoiding the dreaded hole. Great Blog, glad I read it.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete